Sometimes the words of war are all I have to describe
those moments when Evil holds its foot to my throat.
No longer a stalking shadow, but a snarling presence
hell bent on my entrapment.
Self-doubt, paralyzing fear, immobilizing poison flowing towards me.
I can smell it acrid on the air, the thick scent of my own destruction.
It touches against my skin and shudders away,
for I am a Daughter of the Light,
a bearer of brightness
twinkling from every curve of my consciousness
and burning away the battle field.
The Divine says, “Nothing can take you from me.”
It is my destiny to stand guard at the door between
this heartbreakingly fragile reality and the battle fields beyond.
Armored. Watchful. Ablaze.
I walk the wall of the inner kingdom.
A temple priestess, born with the sinewy fearlessness of defense.
A warrior priestess, not of this world, but etheric and eternal.
Arch my supple soul in your hands
and make music from the tender vibrations
of my desires, my wanting, my fullness, my love
Join our flesh together,
like the curling notes of a symphony
For we together are born to dance,
Swallowing stars and licking light off our lips
Run a thumb along the spine of my soul
and I will bend into a bow into the cave
of Your fiery heart.
Breathe me as you might a breathless body
turning these trembling lungs into their awakening
Play me between your legs like a cello
cradled, secure, and surrendered to our song.
When you wake up every morning, you have no idea how your day is going to play out. You have no idea how many miracles could happen or how many tiny tragedies might grace your life. As the wise J.R.R. Tolkien said, “It’s a dangerous business… going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” What’s sure: the Universe protects you ferociously. Every risk you take, every decision and choice, every moment of deliberation, every time you hurl yourself at the mercy of divine timing and take a plunge, She observes. She throws up barriers in the way of your destruction. She lays down feather beds to cradle your landing. She orchestrates minute details you’ll never notice or know about. She watches fondly as you find your footing, glowing with pride at your tenacity. She speaks comfort into your rawness, knowing your healing has already begun. She marvels at the shifting edifice of your soul. She cherishes every moment you gaze into the Universe within and catch a glimpse of Her in you. She longs for you to experience Her continual closeness. She guides your tumbles. She battles on your behalf for a clear path. She catches opportunities and offers them tenderly for your taking. She is the force of the entire Universe loving your forward. That is the only certainty and perhaps the most powerful sureness you will ever need.
Several years ago I drove x-country from New York to Washington. During that long drive, I cried every single day. Layers of old stories, worn out beliefs, and self-doubt fell away bit by bit to reveal a truer me. That drive stripped me. I arrived in Washington raw. This journey into entrepreneurship feels the same way. My heart is raw. My skin is hungry. My body is at once bereft and strangely at peace, knowing instinctually that losing layers leads to newness. Yet even with that knowing, I grieve. I cry over my shedding self. My inner landscape will never look the same. Those cozy places where I used to hide are being exposed. I ache in this beautiful becoming. I feel lost on this new terrain, as though I’m remembering how to walk and feel and breathe and be after years of sleep.
At the beginning of every Energy Therapy session, I go through an inner routine: centering, grounding, attunement. Centering allows me to fully inhabit my body. It’s the practice of stretching my soul into the farthest reaches of my fingertips and toes. Centering reifies who I am and how I want to feel during the session. It enables me to keep a crisp boundary between your energy and mine. Grounding often consists of imagining actual roots growing deeper into the ground and anchoring around the fiery earth center. The final step, attunement, is all about you. It’s when I step into your energy field and vibration. It’s the first time I fully feel what’s going on in your chakric system. Those first few seconds feel like the tuning of an orchestra. A beautiful cacophony of emotions, stories, and scars, some clearer than others.
After that first sequence, I check your Chakras with my pendulum and begin to clear, align, heal, and create. The work tends to flow seamlessly as your energy field shifts and responds to intentions and movement. However, in almost every session there’s a split second when I want to run away from the task at hand. That’s the moment I relish most because it tells me I’m standing toe to toe with your resistance. As with any practice, your place of resistance is a barrier to work through and a compass pointing to where needs the most attention. Meeting your resistance allows me to identify your places of deepest need and figure out how to best meet those needs and set you free.
People often how I got into energy medicine. The answer is simple: I experienced it. My first time receiving energy work was on retreat eight years ago. The experience broke open a level of self work that I never knew existed. It confirmed that my spiritual life wasn’t all in my imagination, but rather a real world of mysticism within me. I felt simultaneously comforted and challenged, rooted and in flight, profoundly human and profoundly divine, heartbreakingly loved, acutely aware of my brokenness, but also of its impermanence. At that time in my life, I was deep in trenches dug by emotional abuse at the hands of someone I loved, an eating disorder, and a self-destructive desire to please everyone. Energy Therapy shed light on the grace in my life at a time when darkness threatened to blind me. It breathed life into my courage so I could find a way out of self-hatred. It honored where I was and gently ushered me forward into a new way of being in myself and the world. It helped me grow into the woman I am today.
From the moment I received it, I knew I was called to share it.
Check out some of my favorite Energy Therapy inspiration, knowledge, and beauty on this Pinterest board.
My history with food is fraught with restriction. I spent my childhood and adolesence unable to eat the food I wanted. That restriction lead me into a spiral of self-hate and binge eating. I mirrored all the outer rules around food by creating inner rules. Vegetables could not taste delicious. Sweets could not really taste at all. Salty food was for numbing out. Meat was for when I wanted to truly hurt. Food acted as a tool for self-destruction. As I started reading about food and other’s relationships with it, I found a group of people who ate to survive, and nothing more. Food wasn’t important to them or a source of pleasure. Eating was a practice, like brushing their teeth. I longed to feel disinterested in food. I decided to try for an opposite relationship. I would ignore it instead of obsess over it and that would balance everything out. I’d feel sane and in control again. Needless to say, it didn’t work out that way. I just became more entrenched in a food war, fighting its importance and value. And then my coach reminded me of something. Isabel said, “food is a sensory experience. It’s sensual.” Those words fit into me like missing puzzle pieces. And now…
I don’t eat to survive or fuel an obsession
I eat to awaken my senses
I eat to forge a stronger bond between my body and soul
I eat to put myself in a conscious state of bliss
I eat to raise my vibration
I eat to remember that I am an animal
I eat to create
I eat to remember my place as a daughter of the earth
I eat to learn about myself
I eat to care for myself
I eat to remember how important it is to feed myself
I eat to practice surrender
I eat to honor my intuition
I eat to honor my body
I eat to honor my hungers
I eat to heal
I eat to pray
I eat to step beyond my comfort zone
I eat to comfort myself
I eat to stay connected to my family
I eat to stay connected to tradition
I eat to celebrate
I eat to triumph over self-hatred
I eat to access holiness
I eat to make every meal feel like eucharist
I eat to play
I eat to hold space for every person at war with food
I eat to set the record straight
I eat to remind myself that I am worthy of nourishment
I eat to get lost in pleasure
Freedom pulses at your fingertips.
prowling and howling
at the fringes of your life.
Your heart trills
throwing itself headlong into freedom.
The seduction is relentless.
Whispers of liberation
calling you forward.
Your core stirs, awakening
wanton and hungry.
The embers of desire are gathering,
You know what’s coming.
You can feel the pressure,
suspended and building.
with gaze unbroken,
for the dam to break,
for the freedom flood
sweeping you from the safety shore
wrapped in courage and
permeated by pleasure.
photo by Glow Boudoir
You know those women who seem to have all the physical features you envy wrapped up in one glorious, flawless body? I had a name for those women or, more accurately, their bodies. I called them easy bodies. In my comparison addled mind, they were perfect. They had it easy. Please laugh at the absolute absurdity of this and be compassionate with yourself if you still frequent the comparison vortex. We all get pulled in from time to time.
Thankfully, I learned a long time ago that having a certain body type doesn’t mean your life is more or less easy than someone with a different body type. I caught myself thinking she has such an easy body the other day about an acquaintance. And then I chose a thought I’ve never consciously chosen before: I have an easy body, too. Several hours later, I reflected on that thought and realized that an easy body means something totally different to me now. Over this past year, a term I used spitefully and with a tinge of jealousy and self-hatred has turned into a celebration.
What I see when I look at a woman with an easy body is not her actual shape, but rather how she inhabits it.
I see a woman sated by her life.
I see a woman deeply in love with every curve of her complexity.
I see a woman that takes pleasure in the rise of her hungers and relishes the adventure of feeding them.
I see a woman at home in the temple of her bones and blood.
I see a woman unafraid of surrendering.
I see a woman unapologetically honest about her needs, desires, values and boundaries.
I see a woman in passionate pursuit of her own heart.
I see a woman who has unbridled her joy.
I see a woman sure of her strength.
I see a woman creating the poetry of her soul.
I see a woman immensely gentle with herself and the world.
I see a woman set loose.
I see a woman awash in pleasure.
I see a woman awake.
I see a woman who uses her body as a compass.
I see a woman at peace.
I see a woman.
About halfway through that list, I realized I was talking about myself more than anyone. That’s what I see when I look in the mirror. And it doesn’t matter if I’m having a crazy hair day or my jeans won’t button. All of those qualities and freedoms and breathtaking beauty are not contingent on my body type. They’re the outcome of self-love.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? And how does that view color the way you see other women?
p.s. thanks for being patient as I transitioned to a full-time Energy Therapist and learned new life rhythm. I can’t wait to hear how your journey is going.
Pause for a moment. Touch your body.
Land and make contact with holy flesh.
You are wonderfully made. Perfect.
Draw your intention and energy close around you.
Now is the time to let yourself off the hook.
Slip out of should and find your Holy Yes.
Forgive your body.
It’s never done anything wrong.
Show yourself the meaning of care.
Watch for the light to emerge.
Love drifting up from the earth and down from the sky.
Love just for you.