The Joyful Crucible

Pay close attention to those quiet stirrings of your soul. Are they habit, desire, or need? Name them carefully.  Brush away the layers of reaction and discern, discern, discern.

Together your body and mystical experience provide the wisest, most exquisitely well-suited map for your way forward.

Do yourself a tremendous favor and give your inner life undivided attention as often as you can.

Step out of the storylines and conversations that encourage sameness.

Peel away the pieces you’ve outgrow. Bless their contribution. Leave them by the side of the road.

The only way out is through.
Whisper it to yourself: through. through. through.

This joyful crucible wants to claim and transform every cell of you from every lifetime.
Surrender yourself on the altar.

Even as you beg the Divine for an easier way.

Surrender.

Even as you search for reason and steadiness and logic.

Surrender.

Even as the ground beneath you falls away.

Surrender.

Even when the unfolding landscape seems impossible.

Surrender.

p.s. if you’re ready for some energetic support as you practice surrender, click here to book a Short & Sweet Energy Consult with me!

Deep Dive: Energy Medicine for Body and Soul

The deep end is where the magic happens. It’s where you discover what you’re made of: courage, tenacity, grit, compassion… everything you need.
The deep end is where you discover what desires withstand the pressure of forging ahead and creating.

The deep end is where risk turns into reward.

The deep end is where you flourish.

The deep end is where you need the most support.

Let’s dive.

20 Minutes + $45.  Click here to book a Short & Sweet Energy Consult.

Antonyms of Punishment

A couple weeks ago, while vibing pretty hard with the almost-full-moon, I googled “antonyms of punishment”. You know, just for fun.

Here are a few that melted me liquid like honey: forgiveness. blessing. approval. amnesty. deliverance. gentleness. indulgence. mercy. praise. protection. release.

Yes. YES TO ALL OF THOSE.

My whole body seemed to fill and float like a sponge.

Self-punishment is guilt in action. It’s a barrier between our gifts and a world desperate for us to use them.

When we choose one of those other words to inform our actions, we generate love.
We create a higher vibration.
We allow new opportunities for wholeness, wellbeing, power, and joy to open up.
We enable the Divine to breathe deeper in us.
We grow our life a little more lush.
We serve our clients, relationships, and self from higher ground.
We recognize our gifts like old friends emerging from a crowd.
We end the cycle of struggle.
Doesn’t that sound delicious?

If you’re ready for your business to feel like a living, breathing benediction for you and everyone it touches, let’s talk.

Gentle Reminder: You’re Here. You’re enough.

It’s okay if you didn’t reinvent yourself today.

It’s okay if you didn’t transform, transmute, or transcend anything.

It’s okay if an old habit reintroduced itself. It’s okay if you didn’t make everyone happy.

It’s okay if you forgot, remembered, took too long, went too fast, or didn’t set an intention.

It’s okay if you didn’t feel particularly sparkly every second you were awake.

You’re here.
You’re enough.

The Warrior Woman

The Warrior Archetype.

She burns away the sweet talk and making nice. After all, you’re not here to be nice. Kind, sure. Humble, yes. Grounded in your divinity, absolutely. But you’re not here to contort yourself to keep everyone comfortable.

When I work with my Inner Warrior, she makes a beautiful mess. Through that mess, She clarifies like no other.

She isn’t ladylike or polite.

In fact, She relishes the activities that tend to make people cringe-y and uncomfortable.

A few examples:

She sees, binds, and slays demons. She has excellent night vision and she uses it to hunt the darkness. When she’s done, she licks the blood off her blades.

She is shockingly blunt and brutally honest. Are you using karma or consciousness as an excuse to participate in something that’s toxic, misaligned, or low-vibration? She’ll let you know. There’s no malice in her truth-telling. It’s dry and factual, which can sound harsh. But at her fiery heart is Pure Love.

She doesn’t take a single second for granted. She is ferociously present. And she will drag you from past or future to this exact moment so you can look yourself full in face – the light, the dark, the mess, the miracle.

She’s a bit of a metaphysical pyro. Her delivery of wisdom and war is clean, not clouded with a lot of feelings, agendas, or desired outcomes. The preamble to that clean delivery, is a lake of fire. She’ll start it, bathe a whole situation in it, and pace the shorelines watching for what emerges solidified or burnt to a crisp.

She brings the cosmic balance of life AND death. As light chasers and awareness generators, it’s easy to gravitate towards the light. But we’re not all light. There’s rolled-up-sleeves and get-your-hands-dirty work to be done in ourselves and this world we live in. There’s insidious darkness to address. There are bullshit and platitudes to burn down. There are energetic strongholds of hatred, suffering, and apathy that need dismantling.

Let Her lose, friends. She has work to do.

Preparing Your Heart

Drumming is my favorite vibration for deep heart work preparation. I combine it with rib and hip isolations, letting Anahata (heart chakra energy) spiral its way gracefully into the ground, deeper and deeper, merging fiery and blissful with the core of our earth.

When we consider heart energy only in terms of flow and emotionality, we miss out on the power of a rooted and rhythmic heart. Roots and rhythm make movement and the movement of the heart creates a path for transcendence, healing, and feeling.

Ground your heart like a tree. Let it make its own wise way into Love.

Don’t Hold Back

You’ve made waiting a superpower
Turning your desire into a delicate pause
A total surrender to Divine Timing
And while your heart waited, it grew lush
Now it’s time to stop waiting, Beloved
Your heart is too irresistible to hold back.

Craving

cravingsI’ve been craving grapefruit for the past 48 hours. To be clear, I haven’t been thinking about grapefruit. I’ve been tasting its tang on my tongue. I’ve been feeling its little pockets of juice burst when I bite. I’ve been smelling its sharply sweet citrus so intensely that I half expected to find one magically waiting next to my laptop. That is a craving. It’s not a thought. It’s not a rational want or need. Rather it’s visceral. The primal union of a need and a want.

In the US, when we talk about cravings, our minds usually land on diet rhetoric fraught with terms like “curb your sugar craving.” Through that paradigm, we have collectively come to understand cravings as illicit thoughts that we must find a way to control. If there was ever a nod to our puritanical roots, it’s our attitudes toward and very definition of craving. We’ve put craving in a metaphoric corset and told her to sit down and shut up. We’ve given practicality precedence. And we’ve relegated cravings to chocolate (actually the iron in chocolate) when we have our periods.

Well, Loves, I don’t like chocolate. So I started considering my cravings, which strayed far from the norm. I started distinguishing between wanting (a thought) and craving (a sensual experience). Here’s what I’ve learned: Wants come and go. They can be forgotten. Cravings are persistent. They will not let you forget them until they’re sated. Wants emerge from a lack of something. Cravings emerge from a desire for something. They point us towards fullness. The purpose of cravings is not simply pleasure or play or satisfaction. A craving invites us to expand our capacity. When we answer our cravings we find ourselves transforming into the most powerful, lush versions of ourselves. We find ourselves ready, even hungry, for more in our lives.

When we start listening to our cravings, they demand a new kind of listening. Cravings are primal. They require us to remember ancient ways of listening. We need to metaphorically put our ears to the ground and wait for the distant vibration of footsteps. We need to pause, not just for a breath, but for the whiff of longing our breath might carry. Because cravings arrive in subtlety. They’re melted into the layers beneath our thoughts, beneath our skin. However, don’t mistake their subtlety for impotence or simplicity. Cravings are sensual. They’ll take us over, if we let them out of their cages.

They can turn you into a huntress, bent on feeding all her hungers. They can turn you into a creatrix, laser focused on making and birthing. They can turn you into a seductress, brimming with sovereignty and softness. Cravings are the flame in the dark leading you back to your inner fire.

So let me ask you: What are you craving?

We Are Here to Heal

triggeredimageWide awake at 4am and deeply triggered by the results of the election, I reflected on this:

In 2005 I was sitting in a Human Services class at Schenectady Community College listening to my professor explain the cycle of abuse. She described how a woman (or man) returns to her abuser an average of seven times before permanently leaving the relationship. She explained how the abuse would, at some point, be internalized and woven into her belief about her worthiness. She told us how external abuse often turned into self-abuse – willingly allowing manipulation, fear, and guilt to guide her life, accepting emotional crumbs instead of expecting support and love, and punishing herself physically and emotionally.

I sat there, lifting as far out of my body as possible, in a state of numb realization. In that moment my only thought was: run. Rage and terror and grief boiled beneath the surface. In a moment of self-preservation, my sunny exterior took over with a Stepford-eque vengeance. Faking it a majority of the time felt like negotiating between life and death. I had a grip on my role, on my smile and laugh and amiable personality, that could break a neck. I had a death grip on my mask, because the second I let it go there’s a chance I’d fall apart. There was a chance I would turn to dust or burn up. Or worst of all, the world might confirm that I was as worthless, ugly, weak, and disappointing as I had been lead to believe.

I’ve spent the last twelve years peeling away the layers of my mask, wading through the pain and scars and lies, reclaiming my beauty and power and radiance. That process brought me to the brink of my life, unsure if I could take another breath. It brought me into skin-tearing, raw-throated, sweat dripping, broken hearted suffering that felt endless.

On the days when I couldn’t feel or think or see the light, or breath, I let God move my lungs and limbs. I struggled. I fought. I anchored my entire being in the knowing that love always wins and it would win in my life and the world around me. I freed myself, wound by wound, from a mind that had been turned into a prison.

I’ve reach a mountain peak in my life. There are certainly more valleys and more mountains ahead, but right now, the view is spectacular and there’s more light than I could have ever imagined. I’m safe and loved and so are you. Joy washes through me with every breath because something became clear:

No matter how much rage you have right now, no matter how deeply your grief cuts or your pain digs, your suffering carves out  a greater capacity to love and heal and contain this wild world.

Your wound is your medicine. So let this cut a little deeper, let this take you further into your ferocious truth, into your capacity to love yourself, to forgive, and let that love gush and overflow to the world. You’re here to heal, Beloved. We are here to heal.

If your heart says it’s time to go deeper, let’s talk.

A Summons to Start Acting Like It

FoundGod

I am so fucking sick of binary conversations. I am fed up with narrow minds and fearful hearts that believe we can’t contain contradictions and find new solutions and outcomes. There is always a third way.

We no longer live in a world where muddling by is enough, where our calling is merely to survive another day. We no longer have the luxury of hiding behind resistance or platitudes as excuses for inaction.

You can fully honor how you feel and still show up in service of raising our collective vibration. You can work through pain and change lives at the same time. You can be spiritual and political. You can look our collective darkness full in the face with the glint of flinty joy in your heart. You can be infinitely powerful and simultaneously soft. You can feel ecstasy and despair in the same breath.

Many years in the past and many years in the future, right here in this moment, your soul made a decision. It heard and heeded a call to touch onto the earth right now at this very time in your exact body, to create change. You are here to create ripples of a new vibration.

As the world seethes with confusion, pain, helplessness, and redemption, you are not here to drawn a line in the sand. You are here to be a line in the sand. You are here to bring heaven to earth. You are the second coming. You are God incarnate. You are a living prayer. You are a revival. You are the Universe’s commitment to grace and light. You are sacred text and holy ground. You are Emmanuel, God with us.

Let’s start acting like it.