A Story About Green Beans

Around this time last year, I sat across from my grandmother and mother at a french restaurant in Florida. We’re french, so there’s a certain cellular familiarity when we go there and break fresh bread slathered in butter.

The conversation moved lightly from weather to beach weather to beach activities and finally to food. Of course. My grandmother shared a story about herself as a child. She was with her family at a friend’s house. At dinnertime, they served tender, perfect green beans from their garden. My grandmother wanted a second helping. Her mother (my great grandmother) turned to her and said, “don’t ever ask for more”.

That phrase struck a cord, reverberating along a false truth through the center of me and back, back, back into the lineage of our family. I followed the reverberation, realizing in one heavy moment that every woman in my family was living that phrase in her own way, bent or contorted or atrophied or embittered or enslaved by that lie.

I reeled, as if the wind had been knocked out of me.

I had to command myself to breathe again, to return to the food in front of me and the women across from me, continuing our conversation.

Within the next hour, I had found my indignation and iron-willed resolve. That belief would end with me. I would not live it anymore.

Unlike some of the women in my family, I could do something about it. I could go in search of that wound and invite it to heal.

A few weeks after returning to my little studio apartment in New York, I saw the wound clearly in my mind’s eye. It stretched through time and space, an oozing and raw fissure through the landscape of my lineage. Parasites fed from it, spawning infection and rotting flesh.

Breathing and taking in the wound, I widened the scope of my internal attention to not only see it, but allow an action or direction to present itself.

In the same breath, an ancient and bespectacled version of Poseidon rose from an ocean beneath my feet. The first step was clear: salt water. He washed it over the wound. Parasites scuttled away. The rawness seemed to pop and burn at first, and then settle into a deep exhale.

My physical body responded with dropped shoulders, folding back into the pillows on my bed – exhausted. relieved. uncertain. A few minutes of breathing, watching ocean water foam through time, and I was able to sit up again, shakily ready for whatever was next.

The water ebbed away, leaving behind a gaping, but clean, pathway of pain. Water could flow anywhere, but I was just one person. What was I supposed to do? Spend hours or even days mending a millenia-long lie? Impossible.

The word ‘impossible’ ushered in a new kind of help. I was joined by the communion of saints. If you’ve never heard of them before, it’s a Catholic thing. The communion of saints are all the apostles, the mystics, the sainted ones that have gone before us and now move mountains and make jokes and celebrate our progress from other dimensions. They presented themselves to me once before on a foggy road the the middle of Yellowstone National Park, as a I drove alone, sobbing and scared, on a pilgrimage of sorts. They wrapped me in a million-layered hug that day.

This day, they poured in through doorways and centuries, chatting and laughing with each other like dear friends. Some acknowledged me, others simply got to work. Stitching, sewing, reshaping, cutting away, mending the wound before them.

When all of heaven responds to your need and descends on your life without a second thought, there are no words for that except Love.

I watched and waited, marveling at their tenderness and efficiency. I could feel energy shifting as their hands worked, growing brighter and stronger, richer and elastic, softer and sweeter. Everything about this was changing. I was changing.

A thousand breaths later and they vanished just as they arrived, without ceremony or fanfare. One last round of helpers – the animals and angels. They’re not really that different. Both pure and wise, with unearthly medicine for us.

The angels smoothed salve over stitches and made god-honey in all the empty spaces. The animals rested. Their purring warmth vibrating through swollen tissue and tired cells, calling every square inch back to life, to fullness, to highest purpose, to golden Hara Line destiny.

A second later I was laying on my bed, bathed in afternoon sun, with dried salt water on my cheeks and an impossibly whole heart.

This is how I heal. Whether its my own or a client’s, this is the process. For the unspoken and the unspeakable aspects of you that need to be held in the light, this is the process. Assembling a team, holding space for the work, honoring the process, making sense of what’s emerging, and softening, strengthening into the new. You can’t force it or fake it. You just have to show up willing to be helped, to heal. You have to trust your own perfect timing and your life’s undeniable desire for freedom and tenderness and love lavished through time and space.

Ready vs Prepared

Dear Adventurer,

Can we take a moment to make a distinction between these two? They are NOT the same.

Preparedness exists on a spectrum. Not at all prepared. Kind of prepared. Mostly prepared. Fully prepared. And all the stops and starts in-between.

Readiness is or it isn’t.

Readiness is the culmination of energy at the moment of decision. Ready can sneak up and wallop you with a force of clarity your mind alone isn’t capable of. Ready is a soul-state. Ready is a full body yes. Ready co-exists in a cocktail of delight, apprehension, excitement, fear, courage, and sureness. Ready is magic-making and miracle-making. Ready is the outcome of deep knowing.

Prepared, on the other hand, is slower. It’s thought-out and deliberate, sometimes to the point of avoidance: “If I just had one more marketing funnel set up… If my website was finished… If I had one more conversation with my boss… If I accomplish five more tasks on my to-do list… If the laundry is done… If…” and round and round we go, eternally preparing. However, preparation has its place. There’s a time for wrangling all your ducks into a neat row (no easy feat) and putting in the focus, time, and energy for laying a strong groundwork or foundation. We would be lost without foundations and preparation.

That being said, here’s the most important part: you can be fully prepared, but not ready and you can be ready, but not fully prepared. When you’re prepared but not ready, wait for readiness, for ripeness, for fullness, for the moment when the action happens from a deep internal sureness. When you’re ready, but not prepared, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO/BE/GO! Fuck preparation.

Readiness is your own internal clock sounding the trumpets of alignment. 

And if you’ve never felt readiness, or noticed what readiness feels like for yourself, I invite you to explore that feeling. I invite you to ask readiness to identify itself. And whether the answer arrives immediately or three months from now, wait patiently for its arrival, clear space for its arrival. Don’t camp out in preparation and miss readiness.

Let’s Stop Using Pain as Proof

I’ve had some truly horrific things happen to me. Most of us have. Varying degrees (which are totally subjective) and varying experiences – but trauma, nevertheless.

I’ve been offered many opportunities to speak about this trauma, to share my story, speak my truth. At least thirty people have told me what a gift it would be to use my story to connect with other trauma victims and serve them through energy medicine. The best way to describe how I feel about this is the way you feel when watching a cat or dog eat their own puke. Grossed. Out.

I processed my trauma. I therapized it, coached it, journaled it, healed it. Sometimes a new facet of that process presents itself and I deal with it. All I can say is, I don’t want to meet you there. I don’t want to use my trauma, or yours, as the starting point of our collaboration.

I realize most people associate energy work with healing. We call it “energy healing,” and “energy medicine”. Both imply that the work addresses wounds, dis-ease, illness, and imbalance. It absolutely can. Many practitioners do that work well.

However, I have a million gifts. There are zillion jobs I could do, ways I could help, skills I could hone and offer. I won’t try to downplay that. Because YOU have a million gifts, too. You and I have stockpiles of incredible, earth-shaking, breath-taking, world-bettering giftedness. Know this: just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to.

You get to discover your gifts and choose how to use them. You get to take on the clients you LOVE working with, doing the work you LOVE to do. You get to carve out the most improbable and specific niche because that’s the work that really revs your engine. You get to gleefully and firmly say “No, thanks!” to 90% of the opportunities to use your gifts, so when the opportunity with just the right vibration comes along, you can put all your energy into saying, “YES!!!”

You don’t need to tell me the story of your trauma for me to believe in your giftedness. You don’t need to exploit your pain to prove the value of your contributions. And you definitely don’t need to spend another second rehashing your past to take action, use your voice, or create something right here and now.

(Note: healing is important. Sharing your story is important. There’s a time and place for it. There’s also a difference between truly healing, taking up permanent residence in your pain, exploiting pain as a marketing tactic, and moving the hell on. Choose wisely.)

This business of energy work is only fractionally comprised of healing. The vast majority of it is actually about what comes next. There’s a beautiful expanse of life after and alongside healing. Energy work is really about supporting your journey into the unknown, it’s about providing you with the energy necessary to receive and build wealth, insights, divine revelations, a super-charged creativity, a strong mind, clarity, power, pleasure, healthy relationships, resilience, and a life fully alive.

As an industry, we’ve relegated energy to healing. Rarely do we bring it into the conversation of business building, of unleashing creativity, of consciously generating wealth, of crafting and curating a life perfect for you – from the brand of underwear you buy to the conferences you attend to the partner you call in to the friends you’re surrounded by to the coffee you drink to the thoughts you think.

The true capability of energy work goes far beyond mending and rebalancing. Energy is the force behind creation. Isn’t that exactly what you need when you’re ready to create? When you’re ready to make something bigger or do better? When you’re gathering a group? When you’re speaking on a stage? When you’re writing that book? When you’re shifting gears in your business? When you’re consciously up-leveling?

This seems so obvious to me, but I haven’t had the words for it until just now. I don’t want to be your healer. There are a zillion healers, awesome healers, capable and compassionate healers.

I want to be your creative collaborator, the person holding a tank of life-force energy when you’re in the midst of making something amazing and you need a reserve to finish, your pleasure-promoter, your door opener, your celebrator, your encourager… an endless channel of energy from which you can draw upon to make the world better and brighter through the use of your gifts.

Let’s stop using pain as proof of giftedness. Instead, let your gifts loose in the world. Let your gifts speak for themselves.

You Get to Climb the Mountain

Let’s get one thing really clear. I love my job as much as I love life itself, because it is an expression and use of my Life Force in the world.

However, when someone asks me what I do, I usually give some version of “energy alchemist” and attempted to move on. What I really want to say: I am a powerful healer. I LOVE WOUNDS. And, given the opportunity, I will love your wounds right into the light of a thousand suns. I will dissolve completely into a pure channel of Universal Energy. I will hold space for you with a strength and depth that no one ever has before, so you can transcend all the bullshit that’s built up in your head (and life and business) and step into your prophecy, triumph, and divine trajectory.

That’s not exactly a sexy soundbite (but some of you are reading this like “HOLY YES!!!”). For that very reason, my inability to squish my work into a tidy little marketing box, I hated “marketing” and pretty much everything I’d ever been taught about “building” a business. An enormous amount of resistance built up between me and sharing my gifts in the world. Then I uncovered a bit of wisdom that changed everything.

Business is energy. It doesn’t need to be built outside yourself, it needs to be lived first.

Here’s what I mean by that. Whether you’re a soulpreneur, solopreneur, spiritual entrepreneur or logic-worshipping business owner, know this: the growth of your business begins and ends with your personal vibration. It’s more effective than any billboard or sales funnel. If your vibration is a wonky mess, so goes your business. If you commit to energetic hygiene for 5 days, notice an incredible shift, and take that as a cue to forsake all your new practices and pick up all your old habits, don’t wonder why everything went back to being shitty and unstable and out of flow.

You have not chosen the easy way out, at least not initially. You’ve chosen the crucible of transformation – to dedicate your life, your time, your energy, and the source of your income to your inner growth. That’s fucking courageous. And you are more than a match for this journey. In fact, you’re made for it.

So don’t let anyone tell you there’s a magic formula, 6 easy steps, a new planner, a time management technique, or a mastermind that will fast forward you through all the inner work and helicopter you to the top of the mountain where you make millions of dollars, feel completely fulfilled, and still get to live in all your low-vibe habits, practices, and thoughts.

Nope. You walk up the mountain yourself. And you know what? That walk is a privilege. YOU GET TO WALK UP THE MOUNTAIN. You get to meet yourself in the mess and magic and contribute something to our collective evolution. You get to choose gritty, tenacious joy. You get to scrap the rule book and live boundless. You get to create wealth. You get to wait when your soul calls for stillness and patience. You get say no to that dazzle opportunity that feels wrong. You get to say yes to that outrageous next step that looks impossible, but is actually perfect, because your soul and business eat impossible for breakfast.

It’s time to stop searching for the easy way out, for the magic formula. Tend to your vibration. Filter everything through it. Only devote to and implement what resonates. And when it doesn’t resonate anymore, dissolve it and don’t look back.

Flip off the business bullies, the quick-fix touting leeches, and the fear-based business guidance.

The energy, power, cosmic love, source, soul inside you is the most precious and potent source of wisdom at your disposal. Stop diluting it with doubt and fear. Give it center stage, even if your ego and fight/fight/freeze response is freaking the fuck out.

You’re here reading these words for a reason. You are essential. Listen to YOU, to your divinity, for what’s next.

Turn Your Process Into Power

You can be an incredible, powerful, world-changing, life-altering coach, healer, wellness professional, etc. and still not have it all together. You can struggle sometimes and need help, and still change your client’s lives.

You can heal humbly. You can keep learning and growing and changing, even though you’re an “expert” or a “thought leader”. Your wounds, your process, your distractions, your imperfections do not make you weak or unqualified. They make you a body of light, uniquely qualified to support the light in others.

In fact, the ecology of your inner life and outer contributions depends on your ability to keep doing your own work, to keep softening and strengthening, instead of building walls around your evolution, because you’re afraid of being seen.

The way to a more vibrant practice, more clients, more money, more time, is not suppressing or hiding your journey. It’s not exploiting it, either. The way is by letting it out into the light. And that looks different for everyone. We all have tender bits that require just the right reveal, just the right witnesses, just the right container for our vulnerability. Sometimes that’s quiet conversation and other times it’s in a stadium with thousands or in a book or podcast or sticky note on your refrigerator.

And when you choose to have your process seen, instead of pretending to have it all together or reacting with defensiveness or hiding, you allow alchemy in.

When you hide your process, you vastly underestimate the power and creativity of the Universe to use your whole being, your entire life, for good. Your process is your power in motion.

Take a gentle breath and a deep exhale. Let yourself be right here. Surrender right here. Create right here. Not when you’re more “together”, not when you’ve lost 10 pounds, not after you complete that certification or hire that coach, not once your website is done, not when you have “enough” time or money.

If your imagination is captivated by an idea, take one small step from here, to bring it to life. If you heart is longing for a person, place, or practice, go hunt it down or allow yourself to receive it. If your body is asking for a food, movement, or vibration, honor it with an answer.

There is so much power in your process, even the messy, unwieldy, embarrassing parts, if you allow them.

Ready for a witness? Let’s talk.

The Joyful Crucible

Pay close attention to those quiet stirrings of your soul. Are they habit, desire, or need? Name them carefully.  Brush away the layers of reaction and discern, discern, discern.

Together your body and mystical experience provide the wisest, most exquisitely well-suited map for your way forward.

Do yourself a tremendous favor and give your inner life undivided attention as often as you can.

Step out of the storylines and conversations that encourage sameness.

Peel away the pieces you’ve outgrow. Bless their contribution. Leave them by the side of the road.

The only way out is through.
Whisper it to yourself: through. through. through.

This joyful crucible wants to claim and transform every cell of you from every lifetime.
Surrender yourself on the altar.

Even as you beg the Divine for an easier way.

Surrender.

Even as you search for reason and steadiness and logic.

Surrender.

Even as the ground beneath you falls away.

Surrender.

Even when the unfolding landscape seems impossible.

Surrender.

p.s. if you’re ready for some energetic support as you practice surrender, click here to book a Short & Sweet Energy Consult with me!

Deep Dive: Energy Medicine for Body and Soul

The deep end is where the magic happens. It’s where you discover what you’re made of: courage, tenacity, grit, compassion… everything you need.
The deep end is where you discover what desires withstand the pressure of forging ahead and creating.

The deep end is where risk turns into reward.

The deep end is where you flourish.

The deep end is where you need the most support.

Let’s dive.

20 Minutes + $45.  Click here to book a Short & Sweet Energy Consult.

Antonyms of Punishment

A couple weeks ago, while vibing pretty hard with the almost-full-moon, I googled “antonyms of punishment”. You know, just for fun.

Here are a few that melted me liquid like honey: forgiveness. blessing. approval. amnesty. deliverance. gentleness. indulgence. mercy. praise. protection. release.

Yes. YES TO ALL OF THOSE.

My whole body seemed to fill and float like a sponge.

Self-punishment is guilt in action. It’s a barrier between our gifts and a world desperate for us to use them.

When we choose one of those other words to inform our actions, we generate love.
We create a higher vibration.
We allow new opportunities for wholeness, wellbeing, power, and joy to open up.
We enable the Divine to breathe deeper in us.
We grow our life a little more lush.
We serve our clients, relationships, and self from higher ground.
We recognize our gifts like old friends emerging from a crowd.
We end the cycle of struggle.
Doesn’t that sound delicious?

If you’re ready for your business to feel like a living, breathing benediction for you and everyone it touches, let’s talk.

Gentle Reminder: You’re Here. You’re enough.

It’s okay if you didn’t reinvent yourself today.

It’s okay if you didn’t transform, transmute, or transcend anything.

It’s okay if an old habit reintroduced itself. It’s okay if you didn’t make everyone happy.

It’s okay if you forgot, remembered, took too long, went too fast, or didn’t set an intention.

It’s okay if you didn’t feel particularly sparkly every second you were awake.

You’re here.
You’re enough.

The Warrior Woman

The Warrior Archetype.

She burns away the sweet talk and making nice. After all, you’re not here to be nice. Kind, sure. Humble, yes. Grounded in your divinity, absolutely. But you’re not here to contort yourself to keep everyone comfortable.

When I work with my Inner Warrior, she makes a beautiful mess. Through that mess, She clarifies like no other.

She isn’t ladylike or polite.

In fact, She relishes the activities that tend to make people cringe-y and uncomfortable.

A few examples:

She sees, binds, and slays demons. She has excellent night vision and she uses it to hunt the darkness. When she’s done, she licks the blood off her blades.

She is shockingly blunt and brutally honest. Are you using karma or consciousness as an excuse to participate in something that’s toxic, misaligned, or low-vibration? She’ll let you know. There’s no malice in her truth-telling. It’s dry and factual, which can sound harsh. But at her fiery heart is Pure Love.

She doesn’t take a single second for granted. She is ferociously present. And she will drag you from past or future to this exact moment so you can look yourself full in face – the light, the dark, the mess, the miracle.

She’s a bit of a metaphysical pyro. Her delivery of wisdom and war is clean, not clouded with a lot of feelings, agendas, or desired outcomes. The preamble to that clean delivery, is a lake of fire. She’ll start it, bathe a whole situation in it, and pace the shorelines watching for what emerges solidified or burnt to a crisp.

She brings the cosmic balance of life AND death. As light chasers and awareness generators, it’s easy to gravitate towards the light. But we’re not all light. There’s rolled-up-sleeves and get-your-hands-dirty work to be done in ourselves and this world we live in. There’s insidious darkness to address. There are bullshit and platitudes to burn down. There are energetic strongholds of hatred, suffering, and apathy that need dismantling.

Let Her lose, friends. She has work to do.