Read that again. Say it out loud. Whisper it. Chant it. Stomp it. Use like a battle cry. Sing it. Shout it.
Every time I find a new constellation of pain or trauma or dysfunction or pleasure or wholeness or readiness or rightness inside me, I say this: I will no longer walk the path of my memorized suffering.
There are moments when it’s a confirmation of what I know in my heart and bones. A celebration of setting myself free. It’s a history lesson, so I may keep learning my liberation through all timelines.
There are moments when it’s a clarion call, waking a part of me from a backward gazing trace, the slumber of suffering. It shouts insistently from rooftops: there’s no life here! Keep moving! Keep feeling! Wake up and summon your curiosity, your vigor, your fire!
This is what many people mean when they engage in “healing” of any kind. At the heart of it, we’re just tracing those pathways of suffering, lighting them up, tagging them, so we can see how to walk a new path. A path of deeper pleasure, power, joy, dignity, consciousness, wholeness, abundance, harmony, energy, and love which awaits us.
But first we must decide to forsake the pathways of suffering, give ourselves permission to stray, to be drawn by our instinct for enjoyment. We must let ourselves learn new pathfinding skills, like breath, embodiment, tantra, yoga, meditation, bodywork, being in right-fit community, screaming alone in your car, rolling around naked on the floor, skinny dipping, laughing until you cry, and the zillions of other healing modalities out there. We must commit, relentless, to the memorizing of new paths – paths we chose, curated, created, crafted, dreamed, desired, laughed/cried/sang/sculpted into existence because they’re for us.
Now don’t get me wrong, this declaration is a micro-change, no a big splashy instantly life altering change. It will occur in a hundred tiny ways in your life. Like the way you choose friends, talk to your boss, say yes to a partner, sustain boundaries, spend money, spend time, relax your body and mind, talk to god, receive opportunities, take risks, care for the people you love (especially yourself), unleash your creativity, and relearn how to play.
“I will no longer walk the path of my memorized suffering” is a practice. It is actions repeated over and over until your life is unrecognizable.