Trusting the Sureness of Mystery

Hilarie Mae | Revolutionary Energy Medicine

When you wake up every morning, you have no idea how your day is going to play out. You have no idea how many miracles could happen or how many tiny tragedies might grace your life. As the wise J.R.R. Tolkien said, “It’s a dangerous business… going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

What’s sure: the Universe protects you ferociously.

Every risk you take, every decision and choice, every moment of deliberation, every time you hurl yourself at the mercy of divine timing and take a plunge, She observes.

She throws up barriers in the way of your destruction. She lays down feather beds to cradle your landing. She orchestrates minute details you’ll never notice or know about. She watches fondly as you find your footing, glowing with pride at your tenacity. She speaks comfort into your rawness, knowing your healing has already begun. She marvels at the shifting edifice of your soul. She cherishes every moment you gaze into the Universe within and catch a glimpse of Her in you. She longs for you to experience Her continual closeness. She guides your tumbles. She battles on your behalf for a clear path. She catches opportunities and offers them tenderly for your taking.

She is the force of the entire Universe loving your forward.

That is the only certainty and perhaps the most powerful sureness you will ever need.

How Energy Medicine Chose Me

People often ask how I got into energy medicine. The answer is simple: I experienced it.

My first time receiving energy work was on retreat eight years ago. The experience broke open a level of insight, clarity, and relief that I never knew existed. It confirmed that my spiritual life wasn’t all in my imagination, but rather a real world of mysticism within and around me. I felt simultaneously comforted and challenged, rooted and in flight, profoundly human and profoundly divine, heartbreakingly loved, acutely aware of my brokenness, but also of its impermanence.

At that time in my life, I was deep in trenches dug by emotional abuse at the hands of someone I loved, an eating disorder, and a self-destructive desire to please everyone. Energy Therapy shed light on the grace in my life at a time when darkness threatened to blind me. It breathed life into my courage so I could find a way out of self-hatred. It honored where I was and gently ushered me forward into a new way of being in myself and the world. It helped me grow into the woman I am today.

From the moment I received it, I knew I was called to share it.

Is something inside you saying “YES” to this? Click here.

An Easy Body

photo by Glow Boudoir

You know those people who seem to have all the physical features you envy wrapped up in one glorious, flawless body? I had a name for those people or, more accurately, their bodies. I called them easy bodies. In my comparison addled mind, they were perfect. They had it easy. Please laugh at the absolute absurdity of this and be compassionate with yourself if you still frequent the comparison vortex. We all get pulled in from time to time.

Thankfully, I learned that having a certain body type doesn’t mean your life is more or less easy than someone with a different body type. I caught myself thinking she has such an easy body the other day about an acquaintance. And then I chose a thought I’ve never consciously chosen before: I have an easy body, too. Several hours later, I reflected on that thought and realized that an easy body means something totally different to me now. Over this past year, a term I used spitefully and with a tinge of jealousy and self-hatred has turned into a celebration.

What I see when I look at a woman with an easy body is not her actual shape, but rather how she inhabits it.

I see a woman sated by her life.
I see a woman deeply in love with every curve of her complexity.
I see a woman that takes pleasure in the rise of her hungers and relishes the adventure of feeding them.
I see a woman at home in the temple of her bones and blood.
I see a woman unafraid of surrendering.
I see a woman unapologetically honest about her needs, desires, values and boundaries.
I see a woman in passionate pursuit of her own heart.
I see a woman who has unbridled her joy.
I see a woman sure of her strength.
I see a woman creating the poetry of her soul.
I see a woman immensely gentle with herself and the world.
I see a woman set loose.
I see a woman awash in pleasure.
I see a woman awake.
I see a woman who uses her body as a compass.
I see a woman at peace.
I see a woman.

About halfway through that list, I realized I was talking about myself, too. That’s what I see when I look in the mirror. And it doesn’t matter if I’m having a crazy hair day or my jeans won’t button. All of those qualities and freedoms and breathtaking beauty are not contingent on my body type. They’re the outcome of self-love.

What do you see when you look in the mirror? And how does that view color the way you see other people?

Much love,
Hilarie Mae

A Love Letter to Your Awakening

Brave Soul,

There will always be a reason to forsake yourself. There will always be a thousand excuses to leave this work behind, slip into numbness, and fall back to sleep. Deep pockets in the world want to lull you. The sleep walkers have created all kinds of distractions and stressors and triggers to keep your attention caught. Remember, they don’t see the light like you do. They don’t know your body like you do. They don’t hear the voice of your soul like you do.

There comes a time, often more than once for the wild ones, when you must choose the soul and its tenacious truth rather than any other paths. There comes a time to shed the shrouds of culture and story line and sing into your depths, waking there the embers that keep hearts beating. You must step surely and lightly on the ground, feeling each spec of dirt and rock supporting your form. You must go hunting for your essential self and be prepared to embrace it fiercely when you meet. You must ready your life for fire.

Chose to love your body and soul today. Notice what love ignites.

Hilarie Mae

Dare alla Luce: Light, Birth and Body Love

photo by Glow Boudoir

Some little girls dream of becoming princesses or veterinarians. I dreamt of becoming a midwife and walking with women as they balanced the line between life and death to birth. How they contained a contradiction fascinated me deeply. Eve Ensler described a moment during her daughter-in-law’s birth when “we couldn’t take our eyes out of that place.” I’ve realized throughout my life that I can’t take my eyes away from birth either. It captivates me. I am indeed called to walk that line with people, but not always literally.

We live the contradictions and cycles and struggles and bliss of birth everyday. We are made with that energy of becoming texturing the fiber of our being, body and soul.

In Italian, birth is dare alla luce, which means to give to the light.  Each time I step in front of Chelse’s camera, I give myself over to the light. The truth is, body love and self love are something we birth into world everyday. Just like birth, loving your body, and creating the energetics of self-compassion, are simultaneously miraculous and perfectly ordinary. Sometimes it’s quiet, tiny victories that flash inside you like lightening bugs. Sometimes it’s a bold and glorious ascension into your own mystical divinity.

No matter what it looks like, birth is always a practice of surrender. Surrendering to the present moment. Surrendering to your truth. Surrendering to pain and discomfort. Surrendering to change. Surrendering to the light of your being. Surrendering to love.

When you feel yourself hanging on for dear life, give yourself over to the light.

Much love,
Hilarie Mae

p.s. if you find yourself holding on tight, click here to loosen up.

On Choosing A Body of Desire

Photo by Glow Boudoir

Last Friday, I wrote about cravings and unmet needs. Then I started thinking about where those cravings come from and where they’re pointing. Where are they rooted? Where do they lead us if we choose to satisfy them? Then it hit me. The vibrationals cravings are both rooted in and pointing to the same thing: desire. If you follow my energy work on Facebook, you know I’m a fan of everything Danielle LaPorte writes. She is one of the most profound creators of our time. If you’ve never experienced her writing before, GO. If you have, then chances are you know her body work called The Desire Map. In it, she invites readers to dive into a deeper understanding of how to feel the way they want to feel by identifying Core Desired Feelings (CDFs).

I struggled to figure out my CDFs for over a year. I changed my mind. I waffled. I threw all of them out and decided I just wasn’t built for core desired feelings. Then I made a new list and decided to keep all 35. Then someone made me feel essential in front of a camera. It was fifteen minutes of feeling absolutely necessary, indispensable, and purely myself. True to form, my body recognized that feeling immediately as a CDF. Feeling essential made my soul sing in my body. Several months later, a co-worker said “Hilarie, you’re such a pro” about a job I completed. His statement triggered something. You know that feeling when you have mastery of a skill or knowledge area? That feeling of prowess, even if it’s about how you make toast in the morning? That word rose up inside me. Like any good student, I googled it, sure there were layers of meaning. Turns out prowess means extraordinary ability, exceptional valor, and bravery. The feeling captured in prowess makes my body feel strong and limitless. It’s a resounding yes. Two weeks later, while doodling, I wrote the word molten and it made me melt. Molten brought with it visions of heat, movement, and fiery light. It was love at first feel.

So now I have these words – essential, prowess, molten – coursing through me. Holding them in my mind creates a visceral reaction. I can taste them, smell them. They take shape inside me and expand, inviting me to do the same. I wasn’t expecting core desired feelings that called me to higher ground or produced a feeling of urgency. My expectations don’t stop them from demanding things. They demand creation through decision. They demand burning bridges and building a backbone. They demand showing up fiercely and gracefully in each new moment. They call me to sing and sink into juicy depth. They call me to confront the energy and ecstasy and wounds living within, because I am (and you are) created for desire.

I dare you to let yourself want exactly what you want. Dip your toe in desire. And please, for the love all that’s holy, report back.

Much love,
Hilarie Mae

Want a visual of my CDFs? Check out This Desire of Mine on Pinterest!

The First Step to Getting Your Needs Met

Photo by Ajari

Photo by Ajari

Food used to be the only craving I could hear over my cacophony of unmet needs. The bereft soul has a very limited attention span for things that challenge it to grow.

However, the more you deny what you need, the bigger that need becomes.

Several years of work later, I find myself full of cravings that aren’t edible in the physical sense. For example, sometimes I crave being at the symphony. The music sets me on fire. I emerge from those halls of sound dazed, as a phoenix might be upon emerging purified from flame. I emerge purged and satisfied. The beast within purrs her approval.

I used to believe that if I let her out to play, if I unleashed her rampant need and unwavering cravings, her and I would devour the world, leaving behind a wake of empty shells, resentment and pain. Now I find she is decisive in her desire. And when I listen, when I turn inward and nourish her, she stands guard at my balancing point between roots and wings. She defends my time and breathes life into my sense of self. She affirms unequivocally that I am worthy of everything I want. She reminds me that there is a way to meet every need.

Here is my invitation to you: Unleash the beast. 

Let your longings, desires, and cravings out of their cage. Risk being too much – too hungry, too loud, too fat, too thin, too opinionated, too boisterous, too loving, too strong, too vague, too unpredictable, too bold.

When you dare to trust yourself, the magic begins. When you choose freedom and feeling good over keeping other people comfortable, miracles happen.

Much Love,
Hilarie Mae

p.s. click here if you’re ready to take the second step.

The Secret to Conquering Fear

Fear is tricky business, mostly because it can creep in and control us, even when we’re not aware of it. As this project grows and my body love journey progresses through stages I never imagined, fear often sneaks in behind vulnerability. It thrives in the darkness and shadows of excuses. The secret to conquering fear? Call it out into the light.

I like to start by actually saying “I’m scared” out loud. Sometimes I say it over and over again like a mantra. Sometimes I shout it. Then I hang out with it. That’s right. I get uncomfortable and quiet and spend time with the fear. The longer I spend (sometimes it doesn’t take very long) the more my fear feels like a deflating air mattress. The surface begins the crumble. It can’t hold weight anymore. Pretty soon it’s flat and lifeless. That’s when I send it a blessing for reminding me that I am worthy of fully feeling all my emotions, even when they’re uncomfortable, and I walk away.

Fear is a compass. Fear tells us where to dig deeper, love harder, and summon more courage. Fear affords us an opportunity to engage with the power of our humanity.

p.s. fear and resistance often go hand-in-hand. Click here to learn how to melt your resistance and alchemize your fear.